Episode 9: How Do You Grieve a Mother Who Is Still Alive?

How Do You Grieve a Mother Who Is Still Alive?

with Lativa and Counsellor Andrea

Trigger Warning:
This episode contains open and honest discussions around grief, loss, mental health, abusive parenting, and family estrangement. Please listen with care. 🤎

What happens when the first person you ever grieve… is your own mother — and she’s still alive?

In this episode, Lativa, a British citizen with Ghanaian roots, shares her deeply personal story of grieving her mother who is still here — but emotionally absent, distant, and abusive throughout much of her life. Her mother’s struggles with mental health and the traumatic loss of custody left Lativa grieving the relationship that never was, and the parent she always wished she had.

While many grief stories center on death, this conversation opens up the often unspoken reality of grieving someone who is still breathing. And while her mother remains alive, the grief of that broken bond shaped Lativa’s very first experience with loss.

Later in life, Lativa also faced the sudden death of her beloved uncle — a loss that added another layer to her grief journey. Yet through it all, her spiritual beliefs, her grounding in self-awareness, journaling, and mindful practices like smoking weed in a healthy, intentional way have helped her navigate the weight of it all.

Joined by Counsellor Andrea, we explore:

• Grieving the living: mourning a parent who is still alive but not emotionally present
• Navigating the pain of an abusive childhood and estrangement
• Honoring your own mental health first — before trying to repair broken family bonds
• The importance of grace and space: when (or if) reconciliation is possible
• How spirituality, belief in ancestors, and energy work can offer comfort in grief
• Processing the sudden death of a loved one (her uncle) while carrying other griefs
• When does grief end? — A reflection on why grief may never fully end, but how it evolves over time

This is an honest conversation about choosing yourself, holding space for your own healing, and redefining what grief can look like. Because sometimes, grief isn’t about the dead — it’s about the living who are no longer with us in the ways we need.

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support. You are not alone. 🤎

• Helpful Resources and Support Lines:
  • UK: Mental Health Foundation – Get Help
  • USA: Mental Health Is Health – Find a Helpline
  • Nigeria: Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI)
  • Global: United for Global Mental Health

Please take care of yourself. 🤎